Yup, I said it, and no it’s not a typo. My wife is imperfect!

Granted her list of imperfections is dwarfed by my own impressive expose of not so lovable traits, and yes I did get her ok to throw this list into the cybersphere, but she is imperfect nonetheless and I love her!

This week marks a decade of marriage for the two of us, and on Christmas eve we will have been together for 16 years. Not a small feat considering we have only been alive for twice that time. In hollywood years I believe we are looking at the equivalent of a cool century. So at this mile stone and in celebration of our love, our family and our future adventures, I felt it important to share with the world, or at least the few hundred people who read my blog, that she is imperfect and we still have a cracker of a marriage.

There seems to be a belief rolling through the fields of singleness that to be truly happy, to build a marriage that shouts to the hilltops that perfection has been achieved, to have a relationship that can withstand the storms of life, two perfect people need to find each other, fall in love, get married and without any touch ups, repair work, renovations or upgrades, they will live happily ever after. No doubt will ever enter these people’s minds or hearts, they will never fight and at no time will anger, annoyance or frustration enter the equation. Doubt and uncertainty have no place in the marriage of these two!

What absolute TWADDLE! Ok boys and girls, I’m about to unfold the mysteries of the world to you so read closely, take note and prepare to have your paradigms shifted. Are you ready?

PERFECT PEOPLE DO NOT EXIST! Unless you happen to be the first-born of God, with the ability to walk on water, rebuke storms, raise yourself from the dead, I am quite secure in stating without question that there are no solid examples of perfection in either gender. Furthermore, this imperfection has absolutely no impact on the success or likely success of your marriage. What matters is what you do in spite of them

Getting back to the list. My beautiful wife is currently preparing for our vow renewal ceremony tonight so while she slaves away, I’ll do the same with a keyboard and a cup of coffee.

1. My wife lives for last minute.com

I like to plan or at least get things out of my head onto paper/screen so I know what is needed, when, and why. My wife loves to dream, to plan, to create ideas. At least 5 minutes before things need to be executed. Yes it wigs out my hyper analytical mind but always gives me an opportunity to put into practice my well established breathing exercises. As frustrating as this is, and believe me it is frustrating, in her mind she gets an opportunity to see her knight come to the party or a dragon hell-bent on destroying it, and if I’m honest, her lastminute.com helps me become a betterman.org.

2. All things in a kitchen must be used to cook every meal

I’m neat, well neater than most. When I cook, I use something and clean as I go along because my logical brain sees the end goal as the meal and not the mess that needs to be cleaned up. But like all artists, creativity can be erratic, unbridled and unpredictable. If that means 3 pots and 15 spoons are needed then so be it. WOW the mess! I was raised in a home where my mom/chef knew her way around the kitchen, and that must have been quite daunting for her at first. So, instead of harping at the mess, I think it’s better to shut-up, cleanup and watch as the finger painter grows up, into an award-winning artist.

3. She can talk through walls, but I can’t hear though them

Ever wonder why women keep talking as they leave a room? It is because they can project their voices in such a way that they penetrate concrete. unbelievable? Believe it! The trouble is, my poor unevolved man ears have yet to develop the deciphering ability to encode the mumbled sounds that penetrate my walls. Perhaps one day I will achieve enlightenment and have this tool. Until then, if she speaks, I will follow, not because I can’t hear, but because she deserves to be listened to.

4. Did I say stubborn

I’m  a little afraid to write this, but yes its true, she has to have “her way”. Nevermind her way is often more eventful and adventurous, and the view is so much better, even if she is stubborn, I’d rather have her stubborn expression staring me down than anyone else’s. Plainly said, she’s pretty.

5. NO I didn’t say that but let’s get defensive anyway

It is amazing that the words I say have inside them meanings that even I didn’t know existed when the phrases left my lips. Who would have thought one sentence had several interpretations none of which equated to mine. Silly me, I need to brush up on my communication skills. So thankful I have her to guide me so I don’t offend a complete stranger. Besides, going back to point 4, she’s pretty.

6. Men should talk less, but let’s try drawing water from a stone

So in our relationship, certain gender norms are not followed. One such default setting is I talk about things more than her. At the risk of sounding like my wife is writing this section, sometimes I’d just like her to tell me what she’s feeling. That’s enough of that!

7. You have the ability to read my mind, so surely I can read yours

This point connects with point 6. It is amazing that woman have evolved to know exactly what men are thinking before they themselves have had the thought. It’s truly an incredible gift. Trouble is when words are few, my wife can still read my mind and I run the risk of going out writing when what she actually was thinking was to take her out to dinner. If only I could develop this gift or she could downgrade her operating system to OSmenneedtohearwhatyouwantelsetheymaygetitwrong

8. Clean cars are but another place to extend the kid’s bedroom floor

OK, so to be fair, this is not really her fault, but she drives the car so by default she is liable. I love my car to be clean, but our kids love to have an extension of their bedroom behind the driver’s seat. On the plus side, at least the car will never be stolen because with all this toy shop camouflage, the would-be-thiefs will be so confused they’ll pick the normal car next to mine.

9. No honey I’m not hungry, but now that it’s on your plate…

Seriously, if you are not hungry don’t eat, but don’t say you’re not hungry and then when I have dished out the perfect size portion for me taking into account my needs and hunger level, suddenly my plate looks so good that your hunger has been enticed out of hiding. to quote our favourite show “JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD”. But that smile, that look, those puppy dog eyes, who cares, I probably took too much anyway.

10. Your computer lacks a certain touch when left empty of girly programs.

Last and least, I have spare space on my Mac because I like to have margin. But between “Greys”, “Gilmore Girls” and potentially “The Dixie Chicks” I don’t really have a leg to stand on. Besides, truth be told, I agree Luke and Lorelai should have gotten married, because they were perfectly imperfect. Now that’s growth, come on guys, who agree’s?

In spite of her imperfections, I still stare into her eyes and wonder when she will realise she is too good for me, I still have my breath taken away in those moments when she gets to dress to the nine, I still have moments where what I feel overcomes what I think and I still get excited about whats ahead.

So perfect? NO! But she is mine and I am her’s and we work on us daily. Marriage is a two person puzzle, you need 2 sets of eyes to find the right pieces and even though you may disagree about which piece goes where, the main thing is that you make your puzzle together because there is no box showing what it should look like only your imaginations, God’s word and your children’s lives, all of which will guide you in making a puzzle that is yours, reflecting your perfect imperfections. Get puzzling!