“My greatest fear is that I become like my dad, or I have a son that feels like me!” It is amazing the power we as dads yield. It’s crazy what a glance from us can do, the heights our children can reach fuelled by a mere smile, a gentle touch or a simple thumbs up. It is equally amazing how many Dads take this for granted or sadder still feel they have no role to play. Over the past few months my son has started Karate and I have got such a kick from watching my little ninja go out there, learning how to do kicks, punches and all those bring-Chuck-Norris-to-his-knees moves. I’m so proud to see my typically gentle son, mixing it up with all the other deadly 5 year olds. One of the most fascinating things I have witnessed is that for karate class to hold its appeal, I need to be there. Not mom, not Granny, not Pops, ME! If anyone else takes him, the deadly warrior lurking just beneath the surface, refuses to put in an appearance. Continue reading
It seems adoption and the challenges contained in the processes have been in the spot light lately. Several articles, opinion pieces and radio shows have highlighted the challenges currently faced. The latest such article entitled Babies “not for sale” who will love these innocents? inspired me to throw my proverbial weight into the mix.
The article, for me ,hits the nail squarely on the head. It brings home the message that we need to protect children, we need to establish processes and practices that have at their core a desire to place a child into a forever family as quickly as possible, while not forsaking the need to make sure that the child’s past, current and long-term needs are taken into account. Picking a family for a child cannot receive the same scrutiny as what colour paint should be used to brighten up the north facing lounge wall, but it also cannot receive scrutiny that is artificially prolonged or justified because of a governments inefficiencies and lack of focus. To throw a dart into a board covered with adoptees as a process of picking a new family can be just as dangerous as an official expressing some god complex in his uninformed-opinionated-thought process when deciding if an adoption should be finalised or not. The whole process has actually very little to do with us, our ego’s, flippant comments or second-hand-I-know-someone-who-told-me-something-theories. IT IS ABOUT A CHILD WHO NEEDS A MOMMY AND A DADDY!
Every now and then I come across something that makes me wish I had a time machine. That time machine would help me travel back in time to those moments we all wish we could forget, the moments where life hands us a massive portion of NO-YOU-DON’T KNOW-EVERYTHING-PIE.
I typically have those moments in the context of parenting. Thankfully, because life is the best teacher and kids tend to leak grace in bucket loads, parents tend to navigate through the ebbs and flows of parenting, hopefully without permanent damage to ourselves or our kids. nevertheless, there are moments I’d wish I knew then what I know now. Such a moment occurred when I read an article on adopting older children by Candace Wheeler.
At the risk of sounding unoriginal, I think it would be so helpful for adoptive parents or would be adoptive parents to read, remember and absorb the following answers to behaviours we have all experienced at some time or another. In fact, any parent for that matter could benefit, because adoptive kid’s challenges aren’t alien to those of natural-born kids, after all, they’re still children, just maybe in need of a little more tenderness. The essence comes from the article, I’ve just added some flavouring.