This coming weekend comes with many different forms of celebration. Some will spend their time celebrating new life, other’s family, others will share in fantastical tales of bunnies and eggs. Still, others will find themselves at the bottom of a chocolate induced coma.
I hope to spend time acknowledging that Easter is the source of my faith and processing how it actually is the culmination of the greatest adoption story ever. It seeks to end the age-old question of belonging. No matter where you come from, whether you came as a group or find yourself totally alone, the Cross and Jesus’s resurrection is the final word in our story of belonging.
Adam and Eve started the process of disconnection with each other, people in general and God. Their actions in the garden of Eden seem for many to be the deathblow to wholeness. But God…
We’ve just been blessed with a new little girl to call our own. That brings our little, or not so little family, to 6. We’ve experienced the joy and elation, from all corners, with the birth of our first child and then our second child, but honestly, as we added more than 2 children, we experienced a gradual decline in support and encouragement as our numbers increased, presumably because people felt that we “Had this” and not because they stopped caring:)
We know that people are busy, life carries on for everyone and this is the life WE have chosen. But we are also aware that there are barriers to adoption that have nothing to do with red tape and the effect of these barriers can be guarded against if communities are equipped and the would-be adoptive parents made to know that they will have the support of those around them throughout their journey. So the point of this article is simply to provide some guidelines and practical ways people can assist an adoptive family after placement, in such a way that this new growing unit knows for sure that they are not alone because there is a community of people behind them, supporting them and cheering them on in different ways.
I will divide the different ways of helping into 4 categories, starting with placement day and journeying for the first few weeks and months.
The last couple of months have been filled with a sense of impending doom for many in the adoption community. From would be adoptive parents concerned over the uncertainties of adoption laws and 12th-hour covert changes to policies, to social workers who practically are working tirelessly at jobs that may not exist in the coming months, we are experiencing a reality in South Africa that has many questioning “what is actually happening?”
Much has been written on the topic and excellent articles such as this one by Robyn Wolfson Vorster have expanded in clear detail on the facts, the concerns and perhaps some of the reasoning behind the shift in policy. So today I am not going to reinvent the wheel by writing what has already been so clearly presented before.
So this past week, the world found itself taking note of a unique holiday. This holiday was not in remembrance of the fallen, the brave warriors of the past, some great festival or battle or even a remarkable time in history which stands as a line in the sand where we see a massive contrast between the before and after pictures. This was a day, which seeks to raise awareness for something happening now and something we will be challenged by, probably until the end of time. The day seeks to raise awareness for adoption, it’s need, it’s challenges, it’s tragic past and hopefully beautiful future where the pain of a history is redeemed and given tomorrows healing.
Hank Fortener, the architect behind #WORLDADOPTIONDAY had this to say about the origins this holiday: Continue reading
Our lives are flooded with stories and situations that cause anxiety to rise. We live in a country where fear has become the daily special on our menu of emotions. Sometimes we just need to speak truth to lies. The thing causing us to fear may be real, but fear in itself, lies. It causes us to doubt irrationally, to question unnecessarily, to let go of what we know to be true. It is a counterfeit reality that seeks to rob us of our hopes, our dreams, our destiny and purpose.
Like Darkness that flees when brought into the presence of light, so fear is banished when presented with the truth. Let The Truth, encourage you today.
I sat there holding my wife’s hand, the door opened and led by the hand of his older brother, our first adoptive son entered the room. He took each step without knowing, without thinking, resting in the hope that those he had come to know as family in his first year were doing their best, were protecting him, were sending him home.
I stood there in awe as this beautiful little boy conquered the distance between us and landed in our arms. My heart was full, my emotions responding like the explosion of a fireworks display. My son was home, the boy we had prayed for, the one we longed for, the champion who had risen above all th e challenges he had faced was about to cross the finish line and we were celebrating with tears, with joy and with an overwhelming sense that the enemy of orphanhood had been defeated.
One day they will arrive. Without celebration, applause, smiles or a hope. They enter the world by the hand of a hero who chose to give life and extend blessing to another family. But there is no time to celebrate, this is a time of great loss. Tears form and fall, not out of joy but from grief. Thoughts of regret, remorse, pain judgment fill her mind as she reluctantly releases her greatest gift to another. The grief, the poverty of mind, of situation and heart have led her to this day, a dark day, the darkest day. She holds only to a hope, a hope that flickers and settles her soul, gently encouraging her that he will be safe, he will survive, He will succeed, he will love and be greatly loved. Continue reading
8 Years ago we began a journey. It was a journey of discovery, a journey with highs and lows but as with all journeys, it starts a process that seems to show that when one ends another begins.
8 Years ago we started dreaming and planning to make adoption a part of who we are and how we grow our family. Today, with two adoptions under our belt and while busy with a third, we are continually amazed at how the process of giving a family to child may seem to bless the child the most, but actually, it is the family who receives the greatest blessing and honour of being able to extend love to another in a way that profoundly changes everything about everyones lives. We are truly honoured to have the love of our children, no matter how they enter our hearts!
Today we are also blessed, as the first family assisted by the The Father Heart Fund is about to become a reality. A special woman is about to become an incredible mom and a little girl is about to be grafted into the hearts of Many. Continue reading
Once upon a time we were sold a beautiful lie. We were sold the idea that for all our works and effort the highest prize that may be obtained is a life of comfort. A life where I find comfort in my home, my job, my income, my possessions, my faith, my family and many others.
This is not a lie because these things don’t bring comfort as they do! It is a lie because for us to have this comfort, it requires that either everyone has found it, we can’t see that others have not found it or that we don’t really care whether comfort has been found by others.
How can anyone ever be comfortable knowing that so many live in complete discomfort? Waking up hungry, alone, parentless, futureless, hopeless, in pain, in depression, in slavery, in darkness. The truth should cause us to realise that we can’t accept comfort when so many live without it! Continue reading
Sitting with a group of 16 students earlier today, I was amazed to find that no less than 11 cultures were represented. These ranged from Twsana, Zulu, British, Italian, Jewish, Afrikaans, American to name but a few. It was an energizing experience as we discussed some unique traditions and practices from the various backgrounds represented.
Last week we were treated to a barrage of racially inspired or fuelled incidences, from hair styles, babies compared to dogs to inappropriate words. South Africa never ceases to stretch the boundaries of what should be seen as ignorant/foolish comment. I sat listening to a radio show where one particular caller took it upon himself to vividly depict what mark Twain meant when he said “Better to Remain Silent and Be Thought a Fool than to Speak and Remove All Doubt” Continue reading
I am currently reading a book at the moment entitled The Spirit of Adoption: Winning the battle for the children. It raises some important questions and recounts some crucial events in history, one of which is the famous American case of Roe vs Wade which legalized abortion in the first trimester of pregnancy and how Norma McCorvey, the plaintiff in that case became a pro-life activist after realising that Abortion wasn’t about ‘products of conception’. It wasn’t about ‘missed periods’. It was about children being killed in their mother’s wombs.