I’ve been wanting to put my thoughts on this down for some time. Be it headspace, emotions, needing objectivity or something else, this topic has been hard for me to engage with critically. I hope to add value in these next few paragraphs. I am neither the expert nor the uninformed, I am attempting to rise above and give reason to pause so that we can perhaps journey forward, not always agreeing but becoming more unified.
My thoughts relate to the narrative between adoptive parents, adoptees, social workers and in fact anyone who occupies a space in between. I have found social media over the last year and especially last few months, to have become a place that allows a narrative which, despite potential best intentions, has been negative, at times toxic and I don’t think altogether benefiting the children whose needs we are trying to meet. Continue reading
I was recently asked to contribute to an article which asked Dads what being a father meant to them. I love these types of articles which allow me to put my heart on paper and give life to my passions. Amongst other things I shared that:
“It means I will seek to be connected to them, to their hopes and dreams and stand by them, even when they aren’t realised, yet. It means I wake each day with a hope that their tomorrow depends on what I build in them today.”
Being a Father is the single biggest privilege I have and the greatest journey, challenge, frustration, joy and responsibility in my life.
My day started with a “Dads Day” held by my son’s school where we listened to songs, played soccer, made bird feeders, drank coffee and ate boerewors rolls. As mornings go, this was a good one. But as I walked onto the field, flanked by over a hundred dads, present, engaged and loving on their kiddos, I was reminded of another day this week, a day where the voices of the fatherless were raised in deafening silence, asking, begging, demanding an answer to the question, WHERE WERE YOU? Continue reading
A week ago the campaign at www.childrenmattersa.org began. It seeks to raise awareness of the potential threat to Adoptions in SA should the Children’s Amendment Bill be enacted in it’s current form. In a short space of time we have seen nearly 7000 signatures on the petition and almost 12000 views on the video. We are engaging with various groups to spread the word, leverage off of contacts and raise further awareness. Please don’t stop sharing and encouraging people to sign the petition. We can’t sit by and watch as the most vulnerable and voiceless amongst us become silenced and prevented from growing up in loving families of their own. The video can be found on the above site or at https://youtu.be/nbosXtDggfI. We can’t do everything, but we can all do something. This is your chance!
As many are aware, there are some serious potential threats to the adoption laws in South Africa which could come into effect if the current Childrens Act amendment Bill is passed in it’s current form.
Please have a look at the video we helped create, visit www.childrenmattersa.org and sign the petition requesting the Bill be stopped, further consultation sought and the Amendment Bill be re-worked to place the best interests of our vulnerable children at the forefront of any changes.
Importantly, please SHARE to everyone in your community, don’t stop at clicking LIKE!
This coming weekend comes with many different forms of celebration. Some will spend their time celebrating new life, other’s family, others will share in fantastical tales of bunnies and eggs. Still, others will find themselves at the bottom of a chocolate induced coma.
I hope to spend time acknowledging that Easter is the source of my faith and processing how it actually is the culmination of the greatest adoption story ever. It seeks to end the age-old question of belonging. No matter where you come from, whether you came as a group or find yourself totally alone, the Cross and Jesus’s resurrection is the final word in our story of belonging.
Adam and Eve started the process of disconnection with each other, people in general and God. Their actions in the garden of Eden seem for many to be the deathblow to wholeness. But God…
We’ve just been blessed with a new little girl to call our own. That brings our little, or not so little family, to 6. We’ve experienced the joy and elation, from all corners, with the birth of our first child and then our second child, but honestly, as we added more than 2 children, we experienced a gradual decline in support and encouragement as our numbers increased, presumably because people felt that we “Had this” and not because they stopped caring:)
We know that people are busy, life carries on for everyone and this is the life WE have chosen. But we are also aware that there are barriers to adoption that have nothing to do with red tape and the effect of these barriers can be guarded against if communities are equipped and the would-be adoptive parents made to know that they will have the support of those around them throughout their journey. So the point of this article is simply to provide some guidelines and practical ways people can assist an adoptive family after placement, in such a way that this new growing unit knows for sure that they are not alone because there is a community of people behind them, supporting them and cheering them on in different ways.
I will divide the different ways of helping into 4 categories, starting with placement day and journeying for the first few weeks and months.
The last couple of months have been filled with a sense of impending doom for many in the adoption community. From would be adoptive parents concerned over the uncertainties of adoption laws and 12th-hour covert changes to policies, to social workers who practically are working tirelessly at jobs that may not exist in the coming months, we are experiencing a reality in South Africa that has many questioning “what is actually happening?”
Much has been written on the topic and excellent articles such as this one by Robyn Wolfson Vorster have expanded in clear detail on the facts, the concerns and perhaps some of the reasoning behind the shift in policy. So today I am not going to reinvent the wheel by writing what has already been so clearly presented before.
Our lives are flooded with stories and situations that cause anxiety to rise. We live in a country where fear has become the daily special on our menu of emotions. Sometimes we just need to speak truth to lies. The thing causing us to fear may be real, but fear in itself, lies. It causes us to doubt irrationally, to question unnecessarily, to let go of what we know to be true. It is a counterfeit reality that seeks to rob us of our hopes, our dreams, our destiny and purpose.
Like Darkness that flees when brought into the presence of light, so fear is banished when presented with the truth. Let The Truth, encourage you today.
I sat there holding my wife’s hand, the door opened and led by the hand of his older brother, our first adoptive son entered the room. He took each step without knowing, without thinking, resting in the hope that those he had come to know as family in his first year were doing their best, were protecting him, were sending him home.
I stood there in awe as this beautiful little boy conquered the distance between us and landed in our arms. My heart was full, my emotions responding like the explosion of a fireworks display. My son was home, the boy we had prayed for, the one we longed for, the champion who had risen above all th e challenges he had faced was about to cross the finish line and we were celebrating with tears, with joy and with an overwhelming sense that the enemy of orphanhood had been defeated.
One day they will arrive. Without celebration, applause, smiles or a hope. They enter the world by the hand of a hero who chose to give life and extend blessing to another family. But there is no time to celebrate, this is a time of great loss. Tears form and fall, not out of joy but from grief. Thoughts of regret, remorse, pain judgment fill her mind as she reluctantly releases her greatest gift to another. The grief, the poverty of mind, of situation and heart have led her to this day, a dark day, the darkest day. She holds only to a hope, a hope that flickers and settles her soul, gently encouraging her that he will be safe, he will survive, He will succeed, he will love and be greatly loved. Continue reading
8 Years ago we began a journey. It was a journey of discovery, a journey with highs and lows but as with all journeys, it starts a process that seems to show that when one ends another begins.
8 Years ago we started dreaming and planning to make adoption a part of who we are and how we grow our family. Today, with two adoptions under our belt and while busy with a third, we are continually amazed at how the process of giving a family to child may seem to bless the child the most, but actually, it is the family who receives the greatest blessing and honour of being able to extend love to another in a way that profoundly changes everything about everyones lives. We are truly honoured to have the love of our children, no matter how they enter our hearts!
Today we are also blessed, as the first family assisted by the The Father Heart Fund is about to become a reality. A special woman is about to become an incredible mom and a little girl is about to be grafted into the hearts of Many. Continue reading